Product managers should be comfortable with hearing “No” to their ideas, hypotheses, analysis, product recommendation and ultimately product too. Being comfortable with this allows PM to not get fixated with their point of view and contribute to the pool of knowledge more freely. More importantly, it helps them avoid costly mistakes. Read below to understand it more.
Default Reaction : Default reaction to a rejection is to dig in one’s heels and prove yourself right. It may be to justify your past actions, decisions or recommendations for future.
Multiple levels : There are different scopes of rejection. Some you encounter on daily basis while others take some months to realize. Some levels are: Team : Your team is not convinced of your priorities. Executive : Doesn’t agree with the outcome you are promising. Market/Customer : Has rejected your product.
PM’s Reaction : PM can react in 3 ways. 1) Withdraw : Withdraw from the discussion. Give in to executive/stakeholder/team. Give up on solving customer’s real problem. 2) Fight : Prove them wrong. Keep focusing on wrong problems. 3) Step back, reflect on alternate explanations. Understand the ground of rejection and then adjust focus, priority etc. Obviously third way is the recommended way to go about dealing with any rejection, usually it will end up being one of the first
Why do we react in this way? There are multiple theories explaining this behavior, most of them putting emphasis on A) Social mirror : Expectations from a person is to be confident, right all the time and stand their ground. Yielding seems to be the not rewarded social behavior. B) Very little practice in dealing with rejections in the childhood and even in adulthood.
What a PM can do (practical stuff)
Be aware of rejection when it happens
Watch the emotion you are feeling associated with rejection
Reframe the emotional story from “Oh they don’t understand me” to “Let me understand this point of view (person/team/market)”.
Separate facts and emotions.
Practice a lot. Try to get at least 5 rejections per day deliberately.
Other stuff which will help you internalize this
Organization Culture : Some organizations practice safety/candor in order to avoid making costly mistakes at all levels. People entrenched in the culture are looking at it from this frame and do not end up holding back the ideas or pushing too hard. Amazon’s escalation culture will be the case in point. Plenty of stories abound where juniors stand up and show mirror to everyone. Dealing with this becomes easy if you take it as “culture”
Sales : Salespeople are more adept at hearing no and their internal frame allows them to be less defensive about sales failures. Many sales training and seminars revolve around increasing their reframing techniques (for themselves and their customers)